A power outage? Clearly a parting shot at the TRUTH by Ex-TYRANT Barack HUSSEIN Obama.

Earlier this morning, I was deep in slumber, dreaming of an ethnically cleansed Walmart checkout line. When suddenly, I was rudely awaken by the sounds of my electricity outage alarms. The alarms were a measure installed against theft shortly after my “Pakistani” neighbors moved in. They claimed to be from Pakistan, but their dark complexions told another darker, more African, story. In my sleepy confusion, I went for my rifle, ready to cleanse the region of all the electricity stealing African invaders.

Don’t tell me I’m crazy! I Have all the proof I need.

But, in my haste to spill blood, I neglected to notice the obvious signs of no power throughout the neighborhood. For instance, my neighbor Jimbo’s 50 foot tall neon sign that reads, “Only through Trump, and to a lesser extent, Jesus, shall we find salvation!” was not glowing with the brilliance of a thousand supernovas. The fucking thing could ordinarily be seen through the god damned walls of my bunker. But, now it’s ever burning glory was not now scorching my retinas.

What is this treachery? Where is my god damned electricity?! The storm raging outside of my house and inside of my mind both cam to the same conclusion:

OBAMA!

I know it was you! you wicked, wicked devil!

Obama scanning my brain waves wasn’t enough! Now the Kenyan usurper is depriving me of the electronic life force I need to fight against his tyranny. Of course! He has sent his communist gay rapist strike team to eliminate my digital presence from the internet. His brain wave scanner has detected my intention of exposing his Hillary Clinton sex scandal. I have exclusive footage of Hillary Clinton pegging him with her dragon cock dildo while Huma Abedin brings her a Starbucks coffee laced with Horse Estrogen and Bathtub Trucker Methamphetamine. Obama’s team of communist ghouls will stop at nothing to keep that from seeing the light of day.

As the winds howl through the trees, the storm outside grows stronger as the lightning force of rage strikes to the core of my soul. According to my electricity alarm uptime monitor, the power has been out for 2 hours! Obama, you fiend! Not only are you preventing me from exposing your propensity for dragon dildos, you are preventing me from using my electronic storm monitoring devices… and the weather is getting rough out there.

The truth will be revealed, you sodomite sickos!

I decide to call the power company and talk to one of the crisis actors that will, without fail, answer my call. The operative that answered the phone reported to me that the currently raging windstorm had blown over trees in my area and taken out the transmission lines. Likely story… If these lying satanic demons think for a second I’m believing that story, they have been huffing too deeply from Hillary’s bag of horse estrogen.

I know what they’re up to, man. These little Obama worshiping deep state flunkies have nuked my power with their space satellite mounted laser beams. I’ve read all about their freedom-of-speech zapping capabilities on theAlex Jones/Infowars.com message boards. The only people more knowledgable about the deep state than Alex Jones are the listeners on Alex Jones. So, That is where I turn for detailed knowledge about the satanic communist hate machine (also known as the new world order deep state) that’s trying to destroy my Judeo-Christian culture. They want to destroy the private use of the electrical grid so that they can use the new 5G cellular phone networks to beam homosexual thoughts directly into our brain stems to destroy white Christian culture from within

The secret deep state laser satellites that are scanning our brainwaves. (Pictured above)

And don’t even get me started on their plot to replace our semen with nanobot technology that devours our testicles for even thinking about starting a family with a woman. But, we will have to save that truthbomb for another time.

I don’t know how long my power will be out but, one thing is for sure. It was Obama. I have all the documents printed out from Infowars to prove it. I will have to step up my electronic guerrilla warfare game to defeat this tyrant once and for all as soon as this devastating storm passes over.

Good night, and God bless.

5 Terrifying Facts About Donald Trump

The first test of a truly great man is his humility. By humility I don’t mean doubt of his powers or hesitation in speaking his opinion, but merely an understanding of the relationship of what he can say and what he can do.
  –6ix9ine, Rap music star and philosopher king.

Yes, a truly great man. Our president, Donald Jefferson Trump, is a great man. One can gauge how phenomenally great a man is by amount of media coverage he receives. Every time I turn on my television I hear the voices. It’s a nonstop barrage of “Trump this, and Trump that. How great is this Trump fellow? Holy fucking shit, I can’t stop talking about how great Trump is!” the talking heads on the screen exclaim in unison.  It’s an exciting time to be alive! Never before in the entire 2,018 years of the history of The United States of America has this nation been so blessed by God with such an amazing leader. Every morning, when I take my dog outside for his morning shit, I just can’t help but to look up at the sky and suddenly break out in a fit of hysterical, yet joyful, crying. I weep in happiness for the excellent future that is ahead for our nation and lives.

As Scruffy pinches out his final morning turdlet each day and its aroma wafts past my nose, the stench of his little brown loaves snap me back to reality. Perhaps I love Donald Jimmy Trump a little too much. Maybe I should step back from the precipice of my undying affection so that I may stare into the abyss of his glory with a little objectivity. And maybe, just maybe, some of that glorious abyss will stare back into me.

I do love Donald Jackson Trump, even more than my own miserable existence. But, I also pride myself in always getting the facts correct. I always dig deep into the lives of those I love the most. Just ask my grandmother, I uncovered so much dirt on her that she won’t even speak to me any more. She can deny it all she wants, but I have fucking photographic evidence that you were infamous Nazi Doctor Dolph Lundgren’s “personal secretary” (If ya know what I mean). You’re a fucking Fascist whore Grandma and no amount of pleading with me to take my medication with ever convince me otherwise. And don’t even get me started about your mind reading capabilities, you bitch.

That being said, I have done some digging into Mr. Trump’s background and what I have found has chilled me to my very core. Without further ado, I present to you:

5 Terrifying Facts About Donald Trump

  • Donald Trump is a serial sexual arsonist.

    That’s right, Donald James Trump is a sexual arsonist. “What is a sexual arsonist?…” you may ask. Well, a sexual arsonist is a person that derives sexual pleasure from setting fire to small businesses. Through my extensive research, I’ve learned that throughout Donald’s real estate career, he would occasionally creep out into the night to burn down the lively hoods of many immigrant family’s various bodegas and dry cleaning businesses. As he watched his handy work he would drop trough and furiously masturbate while the flames tore violently through the structures.
  • Donald Trump consumes his prey with his eye sockets

    They say that eyes are the windows to the soul. Well, in Donald Jimbob Trump’s case, he has no soul. Nor, does he have eyes. Donny’s eye sockets are filled with prosthetic eyes to give him the appearance of being human. Behind these plastic lies are hidden small, demonic mouths that he uses to drink the blood of illegal immigrants from Honduras. Why the blood of Hondurans? According to my sources, only Honduran blood contains the particular life force that can sustain him.
  • Donald Trump’s ass is not large. It is two small conjoined asses attached to either side of his “normal” ass.

    Much has been made of the fact that Donald Joseph Trump has a large ass. Some have even went so far as to claim he is nothing but an ass. But these speculations are nothing but ad hominem attacks by filthy liberal degenerates with an ax to grind. The truth of the matter is that all the rump on trump is, in fact, a fractal of asses. It is an ass that has asses where the the ass cheeks normally are on regular asses. Not only that, but there is growing concern among some ivy league physicists that there may be even more asses on the smaller, additional asses. (where the ass cheeks normally are, of course.)
  • Donald Trump lurks around in the women’s clothing section at Walmart a little too long if you ask me.

    Look, I don’t know why he does it. He just slowly meanders around in the women’s clothing section. He doesn’t even appear to be looking at anything in particular and he is always there alone. He seems to spend an inordinate amount of time in the underwear isle. It’s fucking weird. All I know is that I would not invite a person like that to my house where my 26 young children live. You never know what a guy like that is capable of, ya know? It gives me the heeby jeebies just thinking about it for hours on end. All the sick scenarios I could place him in… No sir, I will never allow him near my children. Not after what I’ve imagined him doing… (in great detail).
  • Donald Trump’s true form is an unholy apparition sent straight from hell to terrorize me in my dreams. 

    This is the most nefarious fact about Donald Jeeves Trump of all. He is not a man of flesh and blood. He is the collective evil that lurks deep into the hearts of every man’s soul. Those evil energies have combined and become personified, thanks to the guiding hands of Satan himself. The dark lord of Hades himself has conjured this blight and has sent him to this humanly realm in order to haunt my very dreams.I have been unable to get a decent nights rest since Donald Jayquan Trump has taken his place on the throne.Throughout my slumber he stalks me. Menacing me with his sharp, fiery talons. Threatening to take me to the flaming pits of misery from whence he came. I flee. Yet, no matter how far I go into the dimensions of my unconscious nightmare, he is always present. As the terror of it all becomes paralysing and I can run no more, his evil presence begins to consume me. I awake… screaming these dreadful words:  “Grab ’em by the pussy!”

Better Late Than Never

I’m always late to arrive at revolutions… I missed the communist revolution entirely. I showed up like a week and a half too late to the Pepsi revolution. I don’t even know what a dance dance revolution even is. But, here we are, extremely late to the BLOGGING REVOLUTION. I know may be like 15 years behind the times when it comes to blogging, but I ain’t even giving a fuck. I’m gonna blog like nobody has blogged before right here on my very own blog that sends blogs right straight into the blogosphere.

I don’t know whats going to happen and quite frankly, I’m a little frightened by the uncertainty of it all. Technology is a terrifying prospect. All those wizardy wires and circuit beep-boopers are unpredictable. I once heard that a kid was killed when his shirt got caught in the gears of his blog. I was told the fucking thing tore him to shreds. That’s not going to happen to me though, I have a ten point safety plan in place and all the requisite safety gear (helmet, welding gloves, florescent safety vest, flare gun) to protect me while I venture out into the blogosphere.

Wish me luck, I’m going to need it. May god have mercy on my soul.